My story, G.D. (initials), started back in seventh grade, and I completed two books and started a third. I stopped writing regularly until freshman year, when I revamped the story and started typing it up, opposed to keeping it scribbled in numerous journals. On and off I added to the draft, until senior year sent the story souring with NaNoWriMo. I won, but the 50k seemed to only mark halfway into the story. Today, G.D. is at a dribbling pace. I broke the hiatus with the first days of July’s CampNaNo but haven’t dabbled with it since.
Unfortunately, I haven’t acknowledged a feeling I’ve been having as of late, and I am finally ready to admit the truth to myself: I have grow out of G.D.
This is an incredibly difficult confession to come to terms with, and I’ve been avoiding it for a long time. G.D. is my baby, and I’ve spent years nurturing it and raising it. As a proud parent, I revel at G.D.’s growth from my seventh grade to my high school to my college mind. The story has really changed! But I too have grown and changed, and it’s a little too much for G.D. to handle at the moment.
A change of atmosphere is needed.
I do not believe G.D. will stay dormant forever, but as a storyteller I owe it to myself to experience another story. To really get into a story and take it further than notes and drafts and 10 cohesively written pages (as cohesive as a draft can get…).
The site warns that continuing NaNo with a started story might lead to more writer’s blocks due to NaNo’s spontaneous nature. There is no room for the unexpected, and that is G.D.’s blockade.
I understand that any problem with G.D. can be overcome with rewrites and that getting the story on the page is most important, but I want the process to be joyful. Writing hasn’t been joyful for a long time. I’ve been writing like it’s my obligation to finish this story right now, no matter how I feel. I want writing to be my career, but I’m also still young and want to explore and develop my style. Forcing an outlined and dated story is loosing it’s spark, and I’m not learning from it anymore either.
I believe that opinions on this will vary. There are writers who know how to push through, even when the process excruciates them, as writing is not always play. And then there are writers who believe that stepping into a new tale is the best option. Finally, there are the writers who will understand both views. There is no right answer, only opinion. As my post on quitting says, whatever we decide to do can either be a success or a failure, and even a “failure” can reveal itself later as a success. What creates success is the amount of work put into a decision, the perspective, and the love.
There will be stories that my author-ly heart devours and, even through the hardships, dances through. There will be stories that were once sweet but turned sour, and push me away from a second or even first draft. There will be stories that kill me slowly, from my mind to my body, but are either too precious or stubborn to let me go. And then they’ll be great, eventually.
The storyteller and stories are a team. One cannot thrive without the other. So when one starts to falter, the other has to reach out and embrace or slap the other’s face, keeping the team sprinting or crawling forward. I’ve been faltering, and G.D. has embraced me and slapped me many times before. I don’t know when it stopped being enough.
There is still so much love between G.D. and myself, but we both understand that the dynamic is no longer working out. It’s difficult and heartbreaking to admit, and a part of me feels like I’ve let my characters and my story down… accepting that it’s no ones fault might take awhile, but for now, I must leave and begin a new adventure.
Part 2 TBA
My best guess is after I write one or two chapters of my new story and post something on Wattpad..?! 🙂